30 Books in 30 days – Remembering 15 years of the 1st Friday Book Synopsis – (The Argument Culture by Deborah Tannen)

{On April 5, 2013, we will celebrate the 15^th Anniversary of the First Friday Book Synopsis, and begin our 16^th year.  During March, I will post a blog post per day remembering key insights from some of the books I have presented over the 15 years of the First Friday Book Synopsis.  We have met every first Friday of every month since April, 1998 (except for a couple of weather –related cancellations).  These posts will focus only on books I have presented.  My colleague, Karl Krayer, also presented his synopses of business books at each of these gatherings.  I am going in chronological order, from April, 1998, forward.  The fastest way to check on these posts will be at Randy’s blog entries.}
Post #2 of 30

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This book has gone through an array of covers, with a few changes in “subtitle” over the years.

Synopsis presented June, 1998
The Argument Culture:  Moving from Debate to Diaglogue by Deborah Tannen (Random House, 1998)

To revisit The Argument Culture makes me feel like our culture is going backward.  In this terrific book, Ms. Tannen called for civility in our disagreement, and genuine compromise.  The principles matter in business, in government, and in all of life.  She clearly rang the warning of the ill effects of such an argument culture when this book came out in 1998.  Things have only gotten worse.

In the book, Deborah Tannen simply states that we have developed “an ethic of aggression,” with an almost complete loss of the value of, or the skills to reach, a compromise.  From the book:

The term “compromise” has two senses.  It can mean “weaken, undermine, destroy,” as in “the body’s immune system was compromised by the virus.”  It can also mean “give in for the purpose of reaching agreement.”  The first sense of the word is decidedly negative, but the second sense could well be positive.  In recent years, even this sense of the word has taken on negative connotations.

Here are a few excerpts from this book:

This book is about a pervasive warlike atmosphere that makes us approach public dialogue, and just about anything else we need to accomplish, as if it were a fight. 
Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument – as in having a fight.
The conviction that there are two sides to every story can prompt writers or producers to dig up an “other side,” so kooks who state outright falsehoods are given a platform in public discourse.  This counts, in part, for the bizarre phenomenon of Holocaust denial…
Words matter…
In an argument culture aggressive tactics are valued for their own sake.
Philosopher John Dewey said, on his ninetieth birthday, “Democracy begins in conversation.”  I fear that it gets derailed in polarized debate.
Whatever the causes of the argument culture – and the many causes I have mentioned are surely not the only ones – the most grievous cost is in the price paid in human spirit.  Contentious public discourse becomes a model for behavior and sets the tone for how individuals experience their relationships to other people and to the society we live in.

In a business world where we are learning about the value of those “crucial conversations,” and those “fierce conversations,” this book is a great “read this first” addition to our thinking.  First we learn respect, the value of a good compromise, and the need for always-present-civility — and then we tackle disagreement.

I’m glad I read, and presented, this book in our first year of the First Friday Book Synopsis.