Talk is Better! – When To Text, When To E-Mail, And When To Talk (Insight from Sherry Turkle)

Call this “Let’s think about communication issues” day for my blog posts.  Here is post #2 about a communication issue.

Here’s my current thinking:  Short answer – talk, face-to-face, or if that is not possible, over the phone, whenever possible.  Text and e-mail should be your last resort.

Unless you are simply conveying information that really does not need or beckon or welcome conversation, do not text or use e-mail.

Example:
What kind of food do you like? — Have a conversation about that!
The address of the restaurant is:  123 Main Street. — You can text that, or e-mail that.

I thought of all this as I listened to the terrific – absolutely terrific! – interview by Terry Gross with:

Sherry Turkle, who has been researching computer culture for 30 years. Her latest book is , “Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other.”  (Listen to the interview, and/or read the full transcript, here).

In the midst of the interview, Terry Gross asked about “bullying.”  In the response from Ms. Turkle, she said:

TURKLE: Absolutely. I just recently interviewed someone who gave me the most concrete and mundane example of this, which didn’t involve bullying. He was talking about as a child wanting to get out of dinner. So this wasn’t bullying. So I think it makes a better example – wanting to get out of dinner with his grandmother. And his mother used to say: Call her. And so he had to call her and he had to hear her voice saying, But honey, your grandfather and I have just set the table, the chicken is in the oven, the asparagus are all ready, we’re waiting for you, we want to hear about the class you’re taking, we’re so sorry, we miss you. He could hear even on the phone – not face to face – the voice, the disappointment. He was over there in a flash. As opposed to sitting down, typing or texting – I’m not coming over – and hitting send. It’s all the difference in the world and that’s only the voice. Can you imagine having to go over to your grandmother’s house and saying, I’m not coming over for dinner, I’m too busy?

So, face-to-face, or at least over-the-phone, really does allow for better, fuller interaction and connection.  And genuine connection leads to better steps forward for us all.