Here is an excerpt from another lively and informative article written by Laura Vanderkam for BNET, The CBS Interactive Business Network. To check out an abundance of valuable resources and obtain a free subscription to one or more of the BNET newsletters, please click here.
* * *
Mornings are a mad-cap time in many households. Everyone’s so focused on getting out the door that you can easily lose track of just how much time is passing. I’ve had hundreds of people keep time logs for me over the past few years (you can see some of mine here and here), and I’m always amazed to see gaps of 90 minutes or more between when people wake up and when they start the commute or school car pool.
That would be fine if the time was used intentionally, but often it isn’t.
The most productive people, however, realize that 90 minutes, 120 minutes or more is a long time to lose track of on a busy weekday. If you feel like you don’t have time for personal priorities later in the day, why not try using your mornings? Streamline breakfast, personal care and kid routines. Then you can use 30-60 minutes to try one of four things:
[Here are two. To read the complete article, please click here.]
1. Play, read, or talk with your kids. Mornings can be great quality time, especially if you have little kids who go to bed soon after you get home at night, but wake up at the crack of dawn. Set an alarm on your watch, put away the iPhone, and spend a relaxed half an hour reading stories or doing art projects. If you have older children, aim for a leisurely family breakfast. Everyone talks through their plans for the day and what’s going on in their lives. If family dinners aren’t a regular thing in your house, this is a great substitute.
2. Exercise. You shower in the morning anyway, so why not get sweaty first? Trade off mornings with your partner on who goes out and runs and who stays home with the kids. Or, if your kids are older (or you don’t have any) work out together and make it a very healthy morning date.* * *
Note: Are you looking for a better start to your day, or to use your time more effectively in general? I’d like to do a few time makeovers of readers over the next few weeks. Email me if you’d be interested in logging your time, trying a few strategies, and sharing what you learn. Thanks!
* * *
Laura Vanderkam, a New York City-based journalist, is the author of 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. Called “a great read” by Natalie Morales on The Today Show, and “intriguing” by the Chicago Tribune, 168 Hourslooks at how Americans spend their time now and in the past, and how we can all spend it better. Laura is also the author of Grindhopping: Build a Rewarding Career Without Paying Your Dues, which the New York Post selected as one of four notable career books of 2007. She is a member of the USA Today board of contributors, and her work has also appeared in The Wall Street Journal, Scientific American, Reader’s Digest, City Journal, Whole Living, Good and other publications. She enjoys running and singing soprano in the Young New Yorkers’ Chorus, and she lives with her husband and two young sons.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011 Posted by Bob Morris | Bob's blog entries | 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think, Chicago Tribune, City Journal, Good, Grindhopping: Build a Rewarding Career without Paying Your Dues, Laura Vanderkam, NET, NET newsletters, New York Post. USA Today board of contributors, Reader's Digest, Scientific American, Spend time with your kids.a better start to your day, The CBS Interactive Business Network, The Today Show, the Wall-Street Journal, use your time more effectively in general, What The Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast, Whole Living, Young New Yorkers' Chorus | Leave a Comment
Here is an article written by Laura Vanderkam for BNET, The CBS Interactive Business Network. To check out an abundance of valuable resources and obtain a free subscription to one or more of the BNET newsletters, please click here.
* * *
Many of us dread negotiations. We approach these high-stakes interactions with trepidation, and would rather spend our time doing just about anything else.
But that’s because we have mistaken notions about what negotiation means, says Stuart Diamond, professor of a famed negotiation class at UPenn’s Wharton School, and author of the new book Getting More: How to Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World (Crown Business). “Every human interaction involves negotiation, from kids and relationships, to jobs and travel, to shopping to chatting, to politics and diplomacy,” he says.
That knock-down meeting on pricing is a negotiation, but so is a colleague’s request for a phone number, or your offer to read your child a story before bed. And unfortunately, “almost everyone does it wrong,” Diamond reports. “That is, they don’t meet their needs very well.” We tend to create conflict rather than actually solve problems. Diamond shared the most effective strategies for getting what you want.
Vanderkam: What is the biggest mistake people make in negotiations?
Diamond: Not understanding the other party enough to know how to persuade them. If you don’t understand them, the negotiation, if you can get it done at all, takes a much longer time. Someone may not want to buy from you because they perceive your customer service is bad because they heard something somewhere. Unless you take the trouble to find out why, you will not know what to do.
It’s about them [the other party]. Finding, understanding and valuing the pictures in the head of the other party is more important than any collection of facts, resources or evidence that you can muster. That’s because it’s “them” that you need to persuade.
Once you have the pictures in their head, you know what it will take to get them to meet your needs, and where to start.
Vandderkam: What about the hardball tactics?
Diamond: The traditional ways – threats, power, walking out, invoking alternatives, good cop & bad cop – just make others resentful and cause retaliation. That means terrorism, malicious obedience at work, the child kicking and screaming on the floor. Valuing their perceptions (as a starting point) gets them to listen more and be more persuadable.
Vanderkam: What is the best way to start off a negotiation?
Diamond: Address emotions first. The world is an irrational place. In fact, the more important the negotiation is to the parties, the more irrational (emotional) they are. Emotional situations call for emotional payments: empathy (focusing on their emotions), concessions, apologies, listening. They don’t call for rational solutions. Mentioning “win-win” in an emotional situation is therefore irrelevant, because emotional people aren’t listening to logic. First you need to understand and empathize with their emotion. At the same time, the more emotional you get (including anger), the less effective you are. Take a break or lower your expectations, since dashed expectations are a big cause of emotion.
Vandderkam: Is there an efficient way to advance a negotiation?
Diamond: First, make a people connection. When people like you, they are six times as likely to meet your needs than if you have no connection with them. And that means service providers of all types. Ask about them, find out who they are. You need to actually be curious. If you don’t really care about them or a relationship, then you will get less because they will sense you are phony. Either get another negotiator who does care, or find something about them in which you are interested. There must be something with which you can make a connection.
Second, trade unequally valued items from any source. All of life is about quid pro quo. If you want something, you have to give something, whether in business or your personal life. But it doesn’t have to be money or even part of the deal. It can be anything that another party values. It can be a business title, a corner office, college advice, sports tickets, any intangible item including respect or just listening. TV time for homework. A lower price for business referrals. The key is to give things you don’t care as much about but which they value, and get things they don’t care as much about but which you value. The more you find out about what they value, the more things you have to trade for what you want. This greatly expands the pie.
Vanderkam: Can I use these strategies to negotiate with my kids? I really want my 3-year-old to eat his vegetables.
Diamond: Kids are easy to negotiate with. You just need to understand their perspective. I have been negotiating with my 8-year-old son since he could understand language. Kids have little power, so they like to control things. So I let him pick restaurants and otherwise make decisions for the family as much as possible. So he is always in a debtor situation with me. If he doesn’t want to do something, I say, “Well, didn’t daddy let you do X?” It greatly increases the chances he will do what I want. Or I trade him.
Trading doesn’t have to be a bribe. After all, adults work for salary. So I might trade vegetables for ice cream or the zoo or something else the child wants. “I’ll give you something you want if you give me something I want.” It teaches the child a big lesson in life, quid pro quo. Or I might find out what about the vegetables the child doesn’t like and mix them with something the child likes. Adults do this with sauces. It’s not unreasonable for the child not to like something. Explore creative possibilities.
* * *
Laura Vanderkam, a New York City-based journalist, is the author of 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. Called “a great read” by Natalie Morales on The Today Show, and “intriguing” by the Chicago Tribune, 168 Hours looks at how Americans spend their time now and in the past, and how we can all spend it better. Laura is also the author of Grindhopping: Build a Rewarding Career Without Paying Your Dues, which the New York Post selected as one of four notable career books of 2007. She is a member of the USA Today board of contributors, and her work has also appeared in The Wall Street Journal, Scientific American, Reader’s Digest, City Journal, Whole Living, Good and other publications. She enjoys running and singing soprano in the Young New Yorkers’ Chorus, and she lives with her husband and two young sons.
Friday, January 14, 2011 Posted by Bob Morris | Bob's blog entries | 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think, BNET, Chicago Tribune, City Journal, Getting More: How to Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World, Good, Grindhopping: Build a Rewarding Career without Paying Your Dues, How To Get a Raise (And Get Your Kid to Eat His Veggies), Laura Vanderkam, Natalie Morales, New York Post, Reader's Digest, Scientific American, Stuart Diamond, The CBS Interactive Business Network, The Today Show, UPenn’s Wharton School, USA Today The Wall Street Journal, Whole Living, Young New Yorkers' Chorus | Leave a Comment
Next LIVE Event
- First Friday Book Synopsis in DallasJune 7th, 201316 days to go.
- Untapped Talent: A book review by Bob Morris
- Weaving the Web: A book review by Bob Morris
- The Inclusion Dividend: A book review by Bob Morris
- Here’s the New York Times Hardcover Business Books Best Sellers for May, 2013
- Marissa Mayer (Yahoo) buys Tumblr – and/but, Take a Look at her Casual Attire
- The First 90 Days: A book review by Bob Morris
- Randy Mayeux on Our Wonderful (and at times Exhausting) Custom Nation
- Randy Mayeux on Our Wonderful (and at times Exhausting) Custom Nation
- I am at Richland College today with my ESL class. It meets for 3 hours on T and TH. 1 month ago
- On Tuesday, March 12, I will speak to the Cedar Hill Lions Club about the biography CRONKITE by Douglas Brinkley at 11:30 a.m. 2 months ago
- I just taught the Tom Steely class at FUMC-Garland. Very good people - lots of fun! Join us next Sunday morning. 2 months ago
- The FFBS program on 3/1 features me with the best-seller CONSCIOUS CAPITALISM. Register now - (972) 980-0383. 2 months ago
- My Research Methods course in the MBA UDallas program resumes on Saturday 3/2. I look forward to this! 2 months ago
- Seven Rules for Managing Creative-But-Difficult People bobmorris.biz/seven-rules-fo… 7 hours ago
- Lego’s Core Principles for Successful Interaction With Users bobmorris.biz/legos-core-pri… 7 hours ago
- Finding Your Element: A book review by Bob Morris bobmorris.biz/finding-your-e… 7 hours ago
- #leadingforward - it is much easier to demotivate the motivated than to motivate the unmotivated - adapted from Tony Baron 23 hours ago
- #leadingforward - "what's worse than losing your people is keeping them and not training them" - from Dr. Wes Saade 23 hours ago
- My current "read when I have just a few minutes to read" book is the wonderful Daily Rituals... Great! bite-size chunks... 1 day ago
Recent visitor count
- 672,960 visits
- Site created and maintained by Dallas website design company bigDwebsites.com